System Origins of the Female Hysterical Outburst and Why They Get Sick in Relationships. AKA: Alpha Females who Stay Happy with Manly Men.
How He Keeps Her Down, How She Keeps Him Down, How the Herd Keeps Us Down.
CHURCH REVIEWS BOOKS WORKS ARTS KK.ORGKK.COM
The New www.Karen Kellock.com by KAREN KELLOCK PH.D.
EXCERPTS:
THE CONTAGION
OF MADNESS
System Origins of the Female Hysterical Outburst and Why They Get Sick in Relationships. AKA: Alpha Females who Stay Happy with Manly Men.
NEW PERSONAL SOLITUDE CHAPTERS EXCERPTS
SYSTEM ELIMINATION ENVIRONMENT
The Pathological Patterns by Karen Kellock Ph.D.. Here are some samples from the Contagion of Madness which will be all "Systems-Analytic" on pathological systems and interactions
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KAREN KELLOCK.COM will be all "system-analytic" on pathologic interactions by "The Psychology of Neurotic Interaction" the Ph.D. Thesis of Karen Kellock 1976 from UCI:
In sick systems there is rigid, stereotyped and and predictable role reciprocity. Corresponding alternating role changes are made when one member switches to a role previously occupied by another. Thus, as long as each of the component roles is filled, the system roles remain unchanged despite individual change, and this may explain the appearance of profound disorganization. Therefore no true role change or working-through can occur without a corresponding change in the system, but efforts of dissatisfied members to change the system have the paradoxical effect of perpetuating it. The persistence of the sick system is the result of the (victim, or patient's) preference for his own symptoms rather than EITHER facing the morbid past OR because maturing beyond the system would cause suffering, disequilibrium and painful adjustment of the other. Because deviation from any family rule is punishable by threatened abandonment, the victim may think: "peace at any price" and in many cases that may be true (like adjusting to marriage as a business relationship or a convenience, like a necessary evil while providing a hedge keeping predators at bay).
However, if peace means losing your True (God-designed) Self--from living in a hostile or fearful environment which dulls your creative instincts and makes you unhappy--there's going to be repercussions in your personality, body and mind. This can mean feelings of depression, sadness, extreme chemical sensitivity, low self-esteem, fat and food-allergies, anorexia, insomnia, fear of aging and showing the signs. It's all from people creating more bad habits and then eating wrong. First off you must reject the throng--that's the herd in everyone and this baggage weighs a ton. To heal I must have solitude so the "cultural hypnotic" unpeels--for its your ENERGY it steals, along with bad meals. Though spouses can be heals you must adapt no matter how he feels. You must go inside and develop your own integrity, not make your spouse into a God: Coming from a Christian, is this not odd? No, because if your spouse is like Marquis de Sade it's only him he applauds (self-assertion gets you the rods). Stop trusting man and go deep inside. Now that you know he's only man you can take it in your stride. Be like a child who has no choice but to adapt to abusive parents who smash things and scare--many became great artists and scientists (extremely rare). At the very least, learn to be a reader, form your own separate, sound and SANE reality while living with hostility. Of this I have great felicity.
The typically violent effort of the "well" members to break free usually means their old conflicts are superimposed onto the new relationships. Emotional disengagement through "moving on" is an illusion. Strong forces are operating with those who stay or leave to stop psychic growth and replicate stereotypic concepts, family myths or shared delusions to which all must conform. Group pressures can be very persuasive even if members see the standards as erroneous (is this not the entire new age of baby-boomers who resemble hillbillies or angry bearded bikers?) Mob rule (majority opinion) can pressure a naive subject to question his own senses and conform to bizarre standards: family pressures and forces are extremely powerful though subtle. In relationship, much of that power comes from sex. (Perhaps your should be celibate for a season in that system). But the child has minimal choice but to conform to the unrealities and neuroses of the parent. I think the answer to all our relational miseries is to be that child again: become your own best friend along with Jesus, amen.
Interactional testing approaches in social psychology confirms the holistic, irreducible dynamics and unique properties of the group which are non-deducible from the characteristics of the members. Test on individuals followed by joint responses of disturbed families revealed joint reality distortions, activation of latent pathology by the other's manifest pathology, one partner's expression of the other's deeper disturbances, sadomasochistic connivances, deference of the healthier partner to the sicker, absence of affect in each other's responses, enhancement or regression as a function of combined endeavor, etc. In contrast to normal groups, joint intelligence scores went down as a function of pathological interaction, with thinking reduced to its lower common denominator! The group, then, has holistic, nonsummative effects on mind and personality. I've had it with this--it's back to sweet solitude, a sweet lass with nothing amiss. Un-debased from dulled conformity is what brings my husband's kiss.
The fact that family members do not learn from or teach each other may be seen as " poverty of concept formation". New concepts are not formed and new ones imposed are negated while stereotyped concepts ( family myths or delusions) remain unchanged. Sick systems seek only to maintain themselves, the status-quo level of inefficacy. In clinical forms, the result is noisy, repetitive conversation and flat or inappropriate disorder:
THE PUBLIC HUMILIATION AND DISCREDITING OF FEMALES:
This is the cruel man who will degrade you in front of neighbors, talking loud and gossiping. He is weak and disrespects the female who should be protected not mentally and socially abused. In these sad cases one should keep perfect house to compensate for the emotional ups and downs of unequally yoked married life. Implicit in this view is the active role the child plays in system-maintenance once established by parents made weak through prior systems (and bad eating) and degradation through the schools from false social dogma (the new tolerance) and liberalism-- making the parents impotent in applying discipline. The sin, nastiness and utter filthiness that results from this lack of restriction is appalling. Read on and find yourself clarifying as you see the herd's influence for what it is--something to be rid of.
Note: Do NOT talk to your friends and family about any marital difficulties for they may be jealous from their own loss and will surely mis-advise. Many a great marriage has been destroyed thusly so stick to God and spiritual reading or counseling. Let all worldly distractions go and just fast, look out the window, write down your thoughts, take nature walks and stretch (yoke to God). Make no major decisions and remember this: God hates divorce which often ends in humiliation, depression, ruin, suicide and destitution. Try to work things out with this in mind being ever in prayer. Just enjoy the seasons of the day, do your errands and chores and take care of your kids and pets--make them happy and straight, ok? Look at the stars, feel the sun and always stay open to God who must have brought you two together. Because we're so messed up in this world our God-chosen mate may be the one we hate the most but it can all work out if you go inside (in God we boast). In total fear and apprehension, I learned how to go inside (just coast) and write this book about how to have a glorious marriage of convenience. After 33 years since this book was first written, now I know how to endure the "cold" when no longer smitten: The bad all becomes glory when through God the past's imperfections are overwritten.
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HOW ENERGY IS BLOCKED
Clear, you multi-adapt to an ever-changing universe and succeed (a perfect hit) every time. Dense, you mal-adapt through disease, blindness and being hooked. The True Self is spirit, which is energy—it cannot be held down without severe and painful results. Releasing blocked energy brings self-expression—the raw talents in the fine design, but Genius is held down by prideful puffed-up powers exalting themselves above God. Thinking they are God (new age slogan) they are jealous of the talents coming through you. It’s a spiritual war between clear and dense (good and evil). The involvement of human networks in mental illness has occurred since time began and is the human condition. Creative energy being blocked by other people has severely painful and traumatic results: depression, low self-esteem and the compulsion to fail (or ending in a mental institution or jail from exploding tantrums). This is an urgent problem in an addictive society because for every addict there are four people sick, i.e. the “contagion of madness”
THE POUNCER
The cruelian demands you love him when you don’t anymore. If you discuss anything he demands you adapt to his logic (and it’s tragic). His reality is superior, yours illogical. If he screams and you’re silent to avoid abuse it’s “hostility”. It’s a double-bind situation from which there is no escape. He’s always looking for an excuse to scream, attack and injure as his cold eyes resemble a wild animal waiting for his moment to pounce. He loves making you nervous about every word you say. The pain of persecution from cruelians dissolves when you understand it at this higher level: by seeing the incredible pressure between his true and false identity we can end the pain caused by troublemakers who explode with (often “polite”) cruelty as a bio-device to release the misused energy from maintaining contradiction. They are helpless—seeing this will switch your state from fear to insight.
Perception prevents pain but refusing to see what is going on allows the cruelian to confuse, cajole and cause you to cringe. It strikes horrors and brings nausea to the sensitive: his anxious face, resentful words and empty life which strikes fear like the desolation of hell. Putting you in recurrent fear is his invisible crime as his defeats become your worries. Let these outbursts become a blessing, for visions spring from crises! Use terrible traumas and his tantrums to reveal solutions while giving you the will to act on them, that's resolution. God doesn’t want you to be hurt and destroyed by evil—only seeing through empty (though glittering) social rewards brings joy, so ask yourself: “Do I want to be here with him (them)? Success comes with seeing through the world’s false front and fun which is pure foolishness. Once seen, your own sickness goes lean, now you can just walk and enjoy each scene. It was only denial degrading you with spouse, family or teen.
THE CONTAGION OF MADNESS
The cruelian is compelled to win the debate, score the ego point, be a hero and demolish his fellows to feel good. He’s a conquistador. He wants his wicked ways to work but knows they won’t. In conflict, he can’t believe in himself so why should you? If you do he’ll hate you for your foolish flattery or fawning over a fake like him, so there is no winning in this situation. The fool (like you and me) tries to please the cruelian, thinking he’ll be loved but in so doing he becomes spiritually weak while declaring cruelty as worthy of worship. Why reward the ruinous and rank? Some even fear rejecting this misery-maker. The solution is to realize you’re not losing him but only your delusion that you need him. Detach, alight, see things right. Never fight just use spiritual might—transcend like a kite. It’s your awareness alone that subdues those rising up against you, but your blind denial is the glue of gossiping groups who just love to fight.
They are either in, or out. Those who are IN you love, adore, cherish and reward. Those OUT you avoid, ignore, disconnect. Out of your circle they have no way to hurt you again. You decide, right now—for when all is right with you there will be nothing wrong with your world. Realize now that it is you who has sent out invitations for this disaster. Practice IN and OUT for one month. You will feel more relief than you’ve ever known. Once someone is designated OUT your inner man realizes he’s a foe or faker and so expects nothing more. You’ll no longer be hurt by unexpected slights—the King salutes not the foe. In becoming Queen the outs will never slight you again—they hate you anyway for placating, pandering to and pleading with their sick, silly and sadistic souls. Some men only love those who can see right through them. So if you want his love designate him OUT—only this brings the respect precursory to love. Make people win your favor by growing up while never trying to win their fake favor again.! Your new matrix of IN-OUT will form a new future as good as fame and fortune, for in so getting your world organized the relief from tension will open the floodgates of newfound energy—like ocean going through your veins. It’s an easy way of asserting self in sweet silence, as silence says it ALL—he knows what he did anyway so there is nothing more to say. Your silence is a siren suggesting they spurt up speedily or “so long, so-low, I’m going solo”. Since all misjudgment is oppression (indicating you married the wrong man), the IN-OUT matrix removes the blocking keeping you from success.
LABELS AND FABLES
Take a rattlesnake and call it a “kitten”. It’s still a rattlesnake. Ignore his insults and self-flattering labels (braggadocio) and just see realities. He calls himself a “loving Christian’ to veil his furiously vindictive mind, but just remember it’s the humanitarian groups which hog and horde power and wealth. Stop believing in his nice guy labels especially those put on “popular’ people and their petty past-times. See their inner realm—you can’t afford not to for the time is late. You know how your stomach aches? That’s your sense of evil all around--high stakes! The cruelian always excuses brutality, thinking he’s a right to attack. He loves to rub your nose in the past or betray a promise, without tact. When he justifies, he lies. Worse, his cruel cronies support his hypocrisy while his very victims see him as a charming though rough “liberator”. Drop him, then take your heavenly escalator.
Remember that domestic violence is always characterized by coercive control and psychological abuse. Victimization is associated with alterations in the perception of the perpetrator (that he’s omnipotent) but also alterations in the victim's perception of self: self-blame, shame, low self-esteem, extreme melancholy and crying spells combine with defenses to cope like denying the existence or severity of the abuse. Acts of contrition and intermittent kindness maintain the union and give false hope that this hell will end but as it continues you'll see his trend and become your own best friend. For people who witnessed violence in their own family as children will usually imitate it as adults. There are conditions that produce stress and conflict such as low income occupations, unemployment or low social support from family or friends that create high levels of stress. The Zvengali isolates his victims so you must start a friend support system to get out of this mess. Military men who've learned to resolve conflict with violence may automatically use it to cope with stress. From a societal perspective, violence against women has been accepted by society, law and religion throughout time. Even now in America traditional male dominance condones violence for control as women are assumed to be inferior: One minister said "what did you do to bring this on?"--like as if smashing things was justified. Subordinated, women become fearfully dependent and subject to demands and abuse of mates which is primarily psychological--like yelling or humiliating them publicly (e.g. neighbors) thus confirming their one-down status (“you’re crazy and everyone knows it”).
BREAKING TRUST
Violence by a person in a position of trust impairs the child's or wife’s ability to trust others. Promising to drive safely, slow down and not tailgate--only to do it when the victim's in the car, is an example of breech of trust in families. Exposure to recurring traumatic experiences in early childhood places a child at much greater risk of long-term psychological, emotional and behavioral problems. The psychological impact is far more far-reaching and surely creates physical symptoms. If you feel scared, nervous and sick that's from this abuse. I have experienced it and took “quiet” steps to deal with it like establishing a reliable friendship base with trustworthy women who loved God, while continuing to be pleasant and keep perfect house. There would be no more loud arguments with this man, I’d learned my lesson by then so just remained above criticism (with him I’d never win). Foremost I started to build up my self-esteem through diet, yoga and remaining poised. Of particular importance was not taking the victim role for that put caregivers (even friends) in the superior position which made the problem worse. I grew up with the goal of superiority by writing this book. I know women compound their problem by bringing others in to confirm they've been victimized, rather than just knowing it and calmly taking a new route (no more pout) . Stop talking about it to those who commiserate, for with the culture it's with splitting you up they have a date.
I love the Psalms: “Because of the voice of the enemy, because of the oppression of the wicked who bring down trouble upon me and who in wrath hate me. My heart is severely pained within and the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fearfulness and trembling have come upon me and horror has overwhelmed me. God will hear and afflict them. Because they do not change, therefore they do not fear God. The words of his mouth were smoother than butter but war was in his heart; his words were softer than oil yet they were drawn swords. Cast your burden on the Lord for He shall never permit the righteous to be moved but will bring them down to the pit of destruction; bloodthirsty and deceitful men shall not live out half their days but I will trust in you. Be merciful to me for my soul trusts in you and in the shadow of your wings I will make my refuge until these calamities pass. Reproach the one who would swallow me up for my soul is among lions—I lie with men who are set on fire, whose teeth are spears and arrows and their tongue a sharp sword. They have prepared a net for my steps; my soul is bowed down; they have dug a pit before me but into the midst of it they themselves have fallen (Psalms 57-59).
To continue about your abuser: “The wicked are estranged from the womb; they go astray as soon as they are born, speaking lies. Their poison is like the poison of a serpent; they are like the deaf cobra that will not heed the voice of charmers…The rigtheous shall rejoice when he sees the vengeance; he shall wash his feet in the blood of the wicked…scatter them and bring them down, O lord our shield. For the sin of their mouth and the words of their lips, let them even be taken in their pride and for the cursing and lying which they speak…consume them that they may not be and let them know that God rules.
To detach without being hit or humiliated
again, live in your own secret world. You can't change a mean man but
you can unchain through a "secret world of safety". Never let
him know how childish, brutish and ignorant he is. keep your wisdom to
yourself and your secret world will be a happy world. Never try to
prove your right, or that you're the victim (because he'll say he
is).
Just rely on God to be your champion. Be careful if you're
a lettered or professional woman, and your husband is not, for his ego's at
risk and that can bring more psychic violence and withdrawal (even
adultery). In my desert solitude I can turn from man, mass or
mess to face the beautiful mountain vistas and suddenly the miraculous
moment takes over as all worldly wasters go "strangely dim".
Everyone--both the abuser and mis-advisors--are
on probation here for no one can compete with eternity. This is what
we should always turn to when people problems persist. Go tell it on
the mountain so the OUTS dissolve or die and the INS can co-enjoy eternal
easy and ecstasy. I spent time with cats and dogs while my fear and
low self-esteem gradually lessened. Friendship became paramount while
waiting on God.
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